Tuesday, June 15, 2010
This is a topic that has been on my mind lately. We all know our kids have trouble with boundaries, but do we as well? Maybe this is just me. Sometimes I feel very alone in this attachment world with very little people who actually get what is going on in our lives. I do think I become too dependent on the therapists in our case involved to help us. Yes I realize they are hired help and are not there to hold our hands through child rearing of these kids. But sometimes it feels as if they are the only ones that truly understand what is going on. This was a topic my sons AT brought up to me yesterday. She allows me email access to her. Sometimes I think this is a wonderful thing but it is so easy to overstep those boundaries via email. Maybe I wish that would have never been an option. She requested email updates at first. When something happens here and it is not really a crisis, but I do want to know how to handle it or if I did the right thing I would email her. I started emailing her when we had good moments, when I was so frustrated I just wanted to throw in the towel, and when big decisions were having to be made. It seems so easy when you are in your living room behind the computer. I knew she could read it at her leisure, I did not really feel like I was bothering her, and I got my points across and told her things I felt she needed to know. But at the same time I would regret sending some of those messages later and sometimes I would end up going into her office feeling like I totally bothered her all week. In some ways it really made me feel like a failure. But still it was so easy to do again. So boundary issues, I wonder if we all have them. My son's therapist has suggested no email communication from now on unless for scheduling purposes. Phone is for emergencies only and all communication is to be done in the office face to face. I can live with that and maybe that is something that should have been done a long time ago. I will no longer have the guilt of bothering her too much, being too needy, or giving her unnecessary information. It is slightly scary to me to have no access between appointments but I do think this is what probably needs to happen. I need to figure out how to stand on my own two feet and just tell her what happened at our appointments. Maybe I will start to feel some success that way, who knows.