Thursday, April 8, 2010
What can I say, I am a survivor I guess. I don't know how else to put things. The days are long and the nights seem too short. The behavior is constant non-stop. There is a certain element to RAD that even the best professionals just can't understand. Medications and therapies are wonderful and are what has prevented Titan from residential treatment, but it is not a cure as we all know. I am not talking about the violent behaviors, though it does escalate easily to that still. I am talking about the fact that I can fold the laundry and have it on the couch in piles for each child. My 6 and 8 year old can put their clothes away with no arguing as they know it pleases me and only takes a few minutes. They understand the concept of the greater good, the living room looks clean again if we all do our share. Now for Titan it is an hour long battle of the wills to get his clothes in his room which ends with him knocking them on the floor first and swearing at me to get it done. For him, he knows this will displease me and that makes him happy. If I send my kids out to play one always comes in crying unless I am right there watching because either he can't take turns, does not follow the rules of the game, or ends up hitting someone. I can't even cook in the kitchen without him turning off my timer so I have no idea when things are done. If I am vaccuuming he is tripped over the cord and knocking it out of the wall. This is constant behavior all day long. He likes to play dumb like he has no idea why I am so upset and it was an "accident". These are simply not accidents and I know it. So although the violence has subsided thanks to the medications and therapy interventions, this is still a very frustrating way to parent and it seems never ending sometimes. My other kids don't understand. To his older brother it is an embarrassment. To the younger ones it is the constant push pull of wanting a brother to play with and fearing getting hurt or simply the frustration of his inability to follow the rules. Will this ever end and what does summer hold for us???